I'd Wished

I'd wished you'd heal
And take the time
To show what it means to be Divine
Divine in how you demonstrate
That Love transpires and heals all hate.

Hate that you see when tempers flare, defiance rules
And scowls prevail
Hate that shows itself in coldness
Alone, Love melts cold hearts with boldness
Hate that seethes toward one's self, for sins that seize
And weigh you down
The weight so heavy, it's tried to drown
Drown within a sea of clouds
The clouds that come ease only some heat
Which only gets hotter once blown by
Down within a heart of sorrow
Sorrow drowned only till tomorrow

I'd wish you heal the sorrow you've brought
Instead of laying another to impart
This weight so heavy I can neither bear nor compare
I'd wished divine and not despair

The turn-key you only rust
With the tears
You bring with your hatred
And your fears

Foolish Maggie, taken again
I'd wish you'd heal instead of mend

It comes unwoven with each hook you gouge
Leaving everyone gasping, no way of breathing
No air at all, no life you're leaving
Little eyes ablaze with fright
Daddy took away with all his might

I'd wished you'd see these lives at stake
Not only yours, the lives you rake
Toil and hardship, you dig your grave
Believing it was ours you sought to save

I wish you'd heal so you could see
The tender shoots you've cut down that grieve

Lurking, lurking at the door
No more, no more, but you ignore
I'd wish you'd heal so you could see

- Written September 2005

Diary Of A Private Eye: Balloon Boy

Diary Of A Private Eye: Balloon Boy

BOAZ - The Kinsmen Redeemer

And now my dearest love, now with great faith and hope I release you to the hands of your Maker

The One with whom I have sought such refuge. Pleading on your behalf for Him to reach your heart. Perhaps now you will seek the answers to questions you do not even realize you have. One being: why you've tried so desperately to make those who love you feel as little for themselves as you do your own self. Another being: why do you need to inflict your self loathing in so many shapes and forms. Notice I am not putting a question mark at the end of these sentences. Most whole people already know the answers to these questions. So, yes, I suppose you could use the term rhetorical. But it is not rhetoric if one does not even grasp the question to begin with. How very sad. I do not understand any one who is unwilling to be honest and transparent with those around them; in every relationship, but certainly - one would think - with those who are supposed to be closest to them. Ahh, but that's just it! No one really gets close, no one really touches your heart. It was wounded somewhere long ago. And we know exactly where, exactly where. Beating my head against a wall to no avail. Not you, not one of your clan is willing to open these pandora's boxes, nor is there any willingness for honesty or integrity. This binds you together in a fierce twisted way that nothing seems to be able to penetrate. Certainly not my devoted love or sacrifice made on your behalf have dented this formidable armor ya'll wear. Ma & Pa - peas in a pod - given over to lust and the things of this world. Image, it's all image; that's all that counts in their pathetic book of life. And you won't see it, certainly won't admit it. And, definitely never have and refuse to leave it freeing you to cling to what God's laid at your feet. That would be me, a modern day Ruth.

Save none of moral compass, integrity and honesty. Oh, how dare I! You immoral worthless woman! You hypocrite! Hah. More in one corner of my pinky finger than entire bodies there back at cha. It isn't funny. You will find no gloating in my heart. I take no pleasure in watching other people suffer from their own foolish pride and stupidity.

Frederick Douglas once said: "It is far easier to build strong children than to fix a broken man." He was right. Most broken men don't see anything wrong with themselves, let alone take the initiation, time, and pain staking effort to seek wholeness and healing.

WHERE IS THE REAL BOAZ, WILL HE PLEASE STAND UP!

A Child's Sorrow

Silent tear- laden eyes overflowing with the years of pain you have inflicted

They fall silently down my face as I button your autumn Polo madras; packing your belongings because they no longer belong here with me.

I took your dress shirts to the dry cleaners just the other day - even after the latest reign of terror.

I gather your personal possessions that will leave this domicile tomorrow;

a full twelve months this time around.

After many, many twelve month periods - 13 sets of them in fact

The intermittent nights of terror, your intimidating tyranny that you be obeyed; will now take a back stage to a new dawn of healing, peace, and freedom

What's been endured - intentional degradation, cruelty, and wounding; wee one's with eyes ablaze in fright

Will all now cease.

It seems as though you've closed your heart to your entire world.

I've loved you sincerely with integrity and loyalty.

In return, you've proffered betrayal, purposeful and intentional cruelty and ruthlessness.

Sacrificing all I've held dear. Stupidly hoping you would be my Boaz, a man after God's own heart.

A man cannot give what he does not have; why have I always thought you had it in you - there in the heart of you?.

I will always believe. Because hope does spring eternal and loves always believes.

One's track record is what speaks for one's future.

That is unless, like Saul's (a violent man) conversion to Paul (a gentle man) on the way to Damascus

One gets knocked off their horse and blinded for three days

Coming face to face with Messiah Yeshua

Allowing Him to bring them to their senses - restored to their rightful place as they themselves are reconciled to Him.

And yet, I've come to finally realize that there are truly wicked, hard-hearted people in this world that no matter how hard you try and no matter how hard they get knocked off their horse - they refuse to see The Truth or the light that blinds them that would come close in bringing them to their senses.

I'm not sure if it is pride or fear that keeps one from becoming completely "other" - set apart as a noble vessel for noble purposes.

And there she was beside me, my noble little girl.

She stood there watching me button that shirt, while large tears silently fell.

My Elissa Lauren, just stared into my eyes with a sorrow no child should ever know.