A Child's Sorrow

Silent tear- laden eyes overflowing with the years of pain you have inflicted

They fall silently down my face as I button your autumn Polo madras; packing your belongings because they no longer belong here with me.

I took your dress shirts to the dry cleaners just the other day - even after the latest reign of terror.

I gather your personal possessions that will leave this domicile tomorrow;

a full twelve months this time around.

After many, many twelve month periods - 13 sets of them in fact

The intermittent nights of terror, your intimidating tyranny that you be obeyed; will now take a back stage to a new dawn of healing, peace, and freedom

What's been endured - intentional degradation, cruelty, and wounding; wee one's with eyes ablaze in fright

Will all now cease.

It seems as though you've closed your heart to your entire world.

I've loved you sincerely with integrity and loyalty.

In return, you've proffered betrayal, purposeful and intentional cruelty and ruthlessness.

Sacrificing all I've held dear. Stupidly hoping you would be my Boaz, a man after God's own heart.

A man cannot give what he does not have; why have I always thought you had it in you - there in the heart of you?.

I will always believe. Because hope does spring eternal and loves always believes.

One's track record is what speaks for one's future.

That is unless, like Saul's (a violent man) conversion to Paul (a gentle man) on the way to Damascus

One gets knocked off their horse and blinded for three days

Coming face to face with Messiah Yeshua

Allowing Him to bring them to their senses - restored to their rightful place as they themselves are reconciled to Him.

And yet, I've come to finally realize that there are truly wicked, hard-hearted people in this world that no matter how hard you try and no matter how hard they get knocked off their horse - they refuse to see The Truth or the light that blinds them that would come close in bringing them to their senses.

I'm not sure if it is pride or fear that keeps one from becoming completely "other" - set apart as a noble vessel for noble purposes.

And there she was beside me, my noble little girl.

She stood there watching me button that shirt, while large tears silently fell.

My Elissa Lauren, just stared into my eyes with a sorrow no child should ever know.